twenty one guns, lay down your eyes July 11, 2009

 

 

At one point, i wanted to shut down this blog, and stop blogging. i realised that i cannot afford to allow people i know and i don’t to read me like a book, to read what’s happening to me like a series of dramas which never seems to have an ending. Im afraid of how people would think of me, how people would judge me and how many of them would actually backstab and gossip about me.

 

I pick up blogging when i was in Form 3, which is roughly 3 years back. The reason i picked up blogging is sad. I was going through some really hard times and i got absolutely noone with me. I got noone who is willing to stand by me and listen to me rant like a spoilt brat. I got noone who is willing to listen to someone who had just unwillingly got out from a relationship. That was really tough. At that time, blogging cures a wee bit.

 

 I started off with xanga, blogspot and now wordpress. At first, i was really hooked onto it. i get to pour out my emotions through writing and no one will ever read about it (it was a private blog) Not long after, one of my friend found out about my xanga blog (dont ask me how when its a private blog)  which eventually pushed me to switch to blogspot. Blogspot is great but the applications of allowing its users to change themes get on my nerves. It gives me a feeling like blogging loses its main purpose as users actually focused on deciding which theme to use so that the blog looks outstanding compared to others and not the entries of the blog. Sigh. This is what happened when the technology is becoming more and more advanced.

 

For now, im a happy wordpress user =) WordPress is fine and it never creates or add any havoc to my life. As i said, i wanted to shut down the blog and stop blogging but after going through a few considerations, i decided not to do so. Yes, im indecisive. I wouldn’t want to stop blogging because of some other nonsense that others gave me. I wouldn’t want to mix up the main purpose i started blogging, which is to make myself feel better. I couldn’t be bothered with any of you out there wanting to judge me, backstab or gossip about me. All i want is to be happy and contented with life. When im happy, i blog to share with those who are willing to read. When im sad, i will also blog to make myself feel better.

 

Now, that’s the main purpose. Let’s all forget about those nonsense. I will continue blogging.

 

Dang, happy saturday =)

 

 

Greenday – 21 guns

 

 

 

Please hold on July 4, 2009

 

 

im sorry if u came over to read about the happenings in my life. To catch up on all those blissful moments and unhappy things that happened to me, to update yourself with what’s happening around me, or maybe to just see if im alive. Thanks a lot for all the visits and i don’t mind what are the reasons behind every visits. Be it for the blogger, the blog or just entertaining yourself. Im sorry if you’re feeling disappointed with me not being able to blog and me not being able to answer phone calls and reply text messages.

 

im having problems to express myself for now. i don’t have the guts to do so. At this point, i don’t even have the guts to blog. Most of them judged me, they judged me with what i wrote, with me being silent, with every words that came out from my mouth. Friends threw awful words right into my face. i hate this. i guess we’re all growing up, growing into different phases of life.

 

 

give me time. give us time.

Im tired of emotional thoughts. June 24, 2009

 

 

I know it took me quite a long time to update another post. Like always, im so busy with assignments, homeworks and tests. I don’t think i have a better reason other than this. Anyhow, life goes on in the way like God had planned it earlier.

 

Due to all the stressful college works, i didn’t have time to go hoo-ha over my 18th birthday. No doubt, i had a great one. I couldn’t ask for more, i supposed. But still no, im not going to elaborate on my birthday celebrations yet. I think i need more time to write a proper birthday post for myself. Anyway, a picture of me being blissful to see the gift i got earlier.

 

 

Sem 2 had been busy and am still very busy. =(

 

The worst part is desmond will be leaving. Yes, leaving this dumb intake of sam because he actually got JPA scholarship. Damn. At times, i think things happened when you least expect it to be. It is really disheartening for us having to deal with the fact that he’s leaving. I think that this is something worse than the one i had in high school. We were just too close. But heh, people always leave. I think i shouldn’t be surprised by it. Anyway, we will be having a farewell party this friday. I think when desmond actually reads this, he is no longer found in our favourite, ss15. Maybe monash or ucsi.

and this song is our favourite =)

 

 

 

I received an email earlier. It is about this open space parking, globalnet opposite inti coll lab in subang. It says that there is this indon who is riding on a bike with plate number wsh 8145 is trying to commit crime. So, any of you who happened to be in subang, be careful =) Anyway, i always park there whenever im late for class. I think i better stop doing so.

 

im leading a happy life. i don’t think i owe anyone an explanation on this =) i just am happy =)

Thank god, im eighteen. No, im finally 18 ! June 18, 2009

 

 

 

 

im 18 !

 

and i guess this birthday ends perfectly.

 

*big smile*

 

happy 18th birthday to karying.  

This Birthday, I’m still spending it alone. June 14, 2009

 

 

I have always been someone who loves sleeping so much. I think this is the only hobby i had picked up and never want to thow it away. Somehow, at times i find it so difficult to fall asleep. Yesterday was one of those nights where i stared and just stared blankly at the ceiling. Yes, i had been thinking a lot about life, updates, all the what if(s) issues and birthday, this 18th birthday of mine which will be here next thursday. This is the time where people will crowd around me to sing the bday song, this song which everyone is capable to sing so loudly. This will be the time to receive countless text messages and calls from almost everyone including loved ones, friends and random people in life. This reminds me that im not forgotten.

 

 

Believe it or not, i have always wanted an extraordinary birthday with someone who is extraordinary to me. I have always wanted to be treated as a princess on my birthday itself. I wanted something like candlelight dinner, blowing cakes at the peak of the hill, clowns entertaining me with different shapes of balloons, countless beautiful and thoughtful gifts and so many more. Many years back, something hit me real hard, in fact so damn hard. I personally think that it changed me 360 degrees. My birthday wishes were changed into something so cheesy. I remembered I used to sulk like crazy, shed so many buckets of tears and just so many things. However, now im pretty sure that everything is over. In fact, nothing were left. I promised this is the last time im talking about this. I finally realised there’s nothing so proud about it. I used to search and search for someone who is perfect but not that perfect to replace this emptiness i had been feeling. To replace this sms partner, to replace this punching bag, to replace this someone who will just give kisses and hugs randomly, to replace this someone whom will always offer to pay for bills, to replace this person whom used to drool with me over David Beckham and Jay Chou.

 

In life, I used to be someone whom had been dieing to upload hotties pictures on facebook, i used to be someone whom had always been telling the whole world that i had moved on so quickly with another better guy. But as time passed, i realised none of this is important. Love is not about searching all your life time for the perfect man. Love is one miracle thing that comes naturally, i supposed. This year’s birthday wish will not be about hunting in town for this perfect man. I believe God will send me this angel when he thinks I’ m ready for it.

 

This birthday is going to be like any other birthdays, there won’t be any candlelight dinner, won’t be blowing out the candles at the peak of the mountain, won’t be having this and that. In fact, im still spending it alone. Not just this 18th birthday but also birthdays, christmas, new year’s eve, valentine’s day(s),cny and many upcoming happenings till the right time is here.