Day 25

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sometimes all you do is stare blankly into the sky and still be reminded of everything that has ever happened.

 

Day 15

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I almost never write scriptures but this is an exception

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Losing hope for a bit

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thinking if i should call my friends up and go have some bubbling time but I’m also feeling the guilt as i have so much undone work. and when Im done with another 2 assignments and 2 reports, i will have to start studying already! year 3 is superrrrr crazy!

and apart from that, I’ve been super messy lately. i sleep a lot like i always skip morning classes and sleep for 10 hours at home. i thought i’d wake up and feel awesome after the 10 hours sleep but most of the times, it doesn’t feel that way. i always end up being angry at myself for skipping classes. *faints* i also almost always wake up in the middle of the night, thinking of losing the same person over and over again and memories keep flashing back. but the truth is i have lost that person already and i wouldn’t want to go back to him. le sigh. i think what my friend said makes sense; cannot keep getting hurt over the same thing again and again. *tears, super touched by his words* also out of a sudden i realized that wearing the ring he gave isn’t helping at all, so maybe i decided to put it away for abit. i have been feeling like a headless chicken running here and there, trying to live happily but sometimes happiness just doesn’t comes your way. but i’d say i always believe happiness is a choice. like if you choose to be happy, you will :D

most of the times, human focus on things they want but cannot have and forget about those they can have and already have. this is nothing but super surreal to me. I’m feeling super overwhelmed tonight over all painful experiences that has happened last few weeks but it is also things like that that makes me realized there are some people who are always gonna be there no matter how much you’ve hurt them.

also im super worried of graduating. i feel like I’m gonna end up at home, sleeping for 10 hours every.single.day. le sigh.

i always think that the destination isn’t important, whats important is actually the journey and experiences gained but lately i realized its wrong. because you cannot go on doing something and not expecting good results in return. you cannot just continue on something and just continue being so uncertain about the outcomes. like you just study for 14 hours straight and still think that its okay to fail, as long as i have studied for 14 hours. it just doesn’t makes sense to me anymore.

i don’t know. i keep feeling like i cannot go back to being who i was anymore. I’m writing from such a dangerous point of view tonight. i think i quite deserve a pineapple head.