An ordinary life is a crime.

this deja vu feeling again. im feeling super shitty now. Life is tough, having to face realities and truths. Life is tough having to deal with your own problems and feelings. Life is tough when you never live it to the fullest, trying to acheive your own goal.

i do not know how many times i had been crying, really. yes, im weak. In fact, im never strong. this pace of life seems to be so tough that i cannot cope up with it. don’t ask me to live with the difficulties in life. don’t ask me not to rant, not to whine, not to complain, not to sulk. i didn’t know how i should do it when im living in such a life. this life which only revolves around harsh realities and no fairy tales at all.

If i were to tell you that Harry Potter and the half blood prince sucks,

will you give me two tight slaps in the face or maybe throw rotten eggs at me ?

Don’t get me wrong, im always a big fan of Harry Potter movies but not this time. Perhaps, im just jealous that Ginny actually kissed Mr.Potter/ Daniel Radcliffe.

I am having butterflies in my stomach now. In fact, lots and lots of them. Im freaking out. I really am. The fact that mid term is next week and im not prepared for it is really freaking me out. 5 subjects, crazy number of notes needed to be loaded in my pig brain. I hate myself for procrastinating things right from the beginning. I really do. Somehow, i know that even if Mrs Hoe is being so kind to give me and my mates another week, i will still be slacking and procrastinating till the eleventh hour. Well, human take things for granted. In fact, all the time.

Knowing the fact that sam is so tough, im never good at it, i know that i need to work super hard to get good grades. I really do and i had been reminding myself for like so many thousand times that even i, myself lose count on it. Somehow, i realised i didnt. I never really put in enough effort to do well. In fact, i had been enjoying my life and all the new freedom i just gained. I doubt i will do well in this mid-term. In the end, i will end up comforting myself with sweet and encouraging words, telling myself that there are still room for improvements and there’s still so many upcoming tests and exams. Well, human tend to make themselves feel better by denying the truth and just blame it on something or someone else. I did, i believe everyone did. I never i admit im wrong.

All this while, i had always been complaning about how stressful college is, about how tough life is and the list just never stops. Till recently, a friend of mine threw me this question. He asked me what other kind of stress im feeling besides studies? I was shocked at first for i never thought that he’s capable to throw such realistic question. After much considerations, nothing. My one and only stressful thing which i had been complaining about is studies. It’s always about how i procrastinate my works and how bad i did in my tests and exams. What could be worse? After all havoc situations, i will just grab my mum and go shop together like crazy. Then, things turn out to be normal and fine again.

I guess i really need to buck up in studies. For now, im going to continue studying. Listeners, pray hard for me. I know i will do well =)

At times, shit happens. So, no worries. Life is all good and fun =)

this 10,000 mega watt smile says it all.

At one point, i wanted to shut down this blog, and stop blogging. i realised that i cannot afford to allow people i know and i don’t to read me like a book, to read what’s happening to me like a series of dramas which never seems to have an ending. Im afraid of how people would think of me, how people would judge me and how many of them would actually backstab and gossip about me.

I pick up blogging when i was in Form 3, which is roughly 3 years back. The reason i picked up blogging is sad. I was going through some really hard times and i got absolutely noone with me. I got noone who is willing to stand by me and listen to me rant like a spoilt brat. I got noone who is willing to listen to someone who had just unwillingly got out from a relationship. That was really tough. At that time, blogging cures a wee bit.

 I started off with xanga, blogspot and now wordpress. At first, i was really hooked onto it. i get to pour out my emotions through writing and no one will ever read about it (it was a private blog) Not long after, one of my friend found out about my xanga blog (dont ask me how when its a private blog)  which eventually pushed me to switch to blogspot. Blogspot is great but the applications of allowing its users to change themes get on my nerves. It gives me a feeling like blogging loses its main purpose as users actually focused on deciding which theme to use so that the blog looks outstanding compared to others and not the entries of the blog. Sigh. This is what happened when the technology is becoming more and more advanced.

For now, im a happy wordpress user =) WordPress is fine and it never creates or add any havoc to my life. As i said, i wanted to shut down the blog and stop blogging but after going through a few considerations, i decided not to do so. Yes, im indecisive. I wouldn’t want to stop blogging because of some other nonsense that others gave me. I wouldn’t want to mix up the main purpose i started blogging, which is to make myself feel better. I couldn’t be bothered with any of you out there wanting to judge me, backstab or gossip about me. All i want is to be happy and contented with life. When im happy, i blog to share with those who are willing to read. When im sad, i will also blog to make myself feel better.

Now, that’s the main purpose. Let’s all forget about those nonsense. I will continue blogging.

Dang, happy saturday =)

Greenday – 21 guns

im sorry if u came over to read about the happenings in my life. To catch up on all those blissful moments and unhappy things that happened to me, to update yourself with what’s happening around me, or maybe to just see if im alive. Thanks a lot for all the visits and i don’t mind what are the reasons behind every visits. Be it for the blogger, the blog or just entertaining yourself. Im sorry if you’re feeling disappointed with me not being able to blog and me not being able to answer phone calls and reply text messages.

im having problems to express myself for now. i don’t have the guts to do so. At this point, i don’t even have the guts to blog. Most of them judged me, they judged me with what i wrote, with me being silent, with every words that came out from my mouth. Friends threw awful words right into my face. i hate this. i guess we’re all growing up, growing into different phases of life.

give me time. give us time.