An ordinary life is a crime.

Hmmmmmm. The flight just left i think. No, not important.

As quoted by Wenzhee, winners are always winners while losers remain as losers. Getting back all the trials results in just one day is really disheartening. I cannot actually concentrate on anything after that. Yes, not even the first Creative Writing hour at 3pm. I was thinking to blog about my hard feelings. Believe it or not, i listed down one whole list of things that I want to fit into this post. Gah, but i forgot them now.

I wouldn’t tell you that im happy because im not. On the other hand, i wouldn’t say that im really upset but still upset.My eyes are puffy as a results of crying over night and in the evening just now. But come to think of it, i actually expected all these dramatic things to happen. I was sort of prepared for it but not that well prepared. I thought God would give me a miracle in life or maybe play with some magic tricks. Somehow, i was thinking too much because He never give one so many surprises in life right? To tell the truth, it’s really discouraging to see all the bad results but as most of them said the last 34 days will be the critical one. This 34 days is going to change everything including your TER.

But… How many of them really did work on this basis?

Hmmmmmm. Come and ask me this question again after Christmas. I will give you a definite answer if it works on me.

I couldn’t hold my feelings any longer after college and i did sulk in front of my mum once i reached home. The mother is always so sweet and supporting. Many would say crying doesn’t solve anything but when it comes to soft-hearted person like my mum it really did worked like 100 times. Perhaps, more than that. After that moment, my thought of moving out vanished into the thin air. Because i know i will never be so strong to stand alone especially through hard times like these.

Hmmmmm. I guess the sulking, whinning and complaning job stops here. I had enough of it. You had enough of it. Everyone had enough of it. For now, i wanna work harder and harder during the leftover 34 days. I believe i can make a difference. I bet this would be the first on most sam students wishlist after today.

It’s still the sweet and warm smile afterall.

Goodnights.

I didn’t intend to update. I was waiting for the right words to come so that things are expressed in a better way but i realised those words are never gonna come. Those right and proper words are not gonna come. So, why wait ?

College sucks. Thinking of going back there tomorrow freaks me out. Maybe college doesn’t sucks that much but the programme itself. Looking back at it, i never once did well for any sam exams. Yeah, never once and it never fails to make me shed tears for it. I know. It may sound so silly to cry over something like that bt it did mean a lot to me especially when my mum paid 20k for it and she thought that I manage to do things well. In fact, i didn’t. It certainly did turn my life upside down. Changing me from a happy-go-lucky girl to someone who is miserable, to someone who never fails to cry at night. Alright, not all the nights but most of it.

This year had been tough for me. In fact, i know it’s gonna be tougher later on. Everyone tried their best in comforting me to look forward to the future and forget the past but i sincerely apologize  i couldn’t. The more i fink, the more i write, the more emotional this post is going to be and the more emotional im going to be.

So what? Stop here?

No. Because the right words are never gonna come, the bad feelings will just continue to bottle up. I just received several text messages from a friend, bestfriend indeed telling me that I had been a bad friend for the past few months. Coming to think of it, i realised that what she told me is nothing but the truth. The truth is always ugly, isn’t it? Somehow, Im glad that she confronted me. Not too late, not too early but at this time when I thought nothing else would go wrong anymore. But … there still is.

I guess i should really put down my egoistic and try making things better. Perhaps, i should not be so in love.

I’m really emotionally imbalance now. How i wish i can just have many and many more days of holidays. Damn it. I wish i have a genie in the bottle so that i get to make a wish – to forget everything in the past and start something new. I hate going to college now. I know the worse are not here yet. Gah, finals is in a month. Presentation and stupid bad trial results is next week. I guess im gonna sulk a lot =(

Gah, FML?

As happy as i may look, as fun as college may sound it is just not true.

happy, sad, frustrated, falling in love, falling out of love, whinny, bitchy – so what? where to start . . .

That fat chance actually slipped off my hand. My mum tempted me with that Coach clutch. Being an angel this afternoon, i kindly decline the offer which i don’t know why. Okay, maybe because i wasn’t in the mood this afternoon. Perhaps, i should say that the last few weeks were pure shitty that i don’t feel like spoiling or pampering myself at all. Besides, i know that i did terribly bad in the trials. So what? You think i really deserve that Coach clutch my mum offered me?  

This is a picture i found online. Something similar to the one i saw this afternoon.

Trials was pure shitty.

I couldn’t accept the fact that he actually smoked in front of me. At that moment, i know hopes vanished. Let him leave on a jet plane next monday. Bcause nothing seems to be important anymore.

The picture below has a pink panther balloon in it. I spent 5 bucks on it during TUCMC Charity Carnival and see how happy am i to pose with the balloon. Somehow, my friends think that im crazy to buy that balloon which in the end that cute balloon burst into a small round weird shape figure.  The conclusion is THE BALLOON BURST IN THE END !

In a random matter, some people actually googled me like this ” boring life is a crime wordpress siow kar ying ”

Last of all, Selamat HARI Raya =)

At hard times like this, you are still the only one that i would want to turn to …

I told myself to stay strong, to be bold but after all these endless thoughts.

you would still come into my mind.

STRONG ? BOLD ?

perhaps, it never exist.

i miss you, in a good way i supposed.